Killed By The Video Star

People From Long Island Are Funny

by ccullari on August 8th, 2007

Billy Joel
“Uptown Girl”
Album: An Innocent Man

Thank God for Billy Joel. Without him, this rich, white uptown girl would never be freed from her rich, white existence into a urban landscape, where gay men are allowed to be mechanics and black people not only exist, but can drive cars and dance!

Oh, Billy. You absolutely must write to me from Ignorance someday. It must be so…blissful…there. I pictures seas of teal, clouds of white, and many pristine, sparkling sailboats, built by the calloused hands of strong men. Then you all slap each other on the ass and pile on board, grinning and laughing, setting sail for tons of completely straight, masculinity-assuring adventures.

Because, really, wouldn’t life just be better that way?

Song: 8/10
Video: Call the ACLU/10
Chances that Jesse Jackson would be cool with this video: 7%–but only because the dancing IS pretty great.

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